Only Fools Rush In
by tmtcltb
Summary: Carlton Burk fell hard for Ravit Bivas. After she is seriously injured during a mission will the two be able to figure out a way to be together? AU. Slow burn Burk/Bivas.
1. The Grim Reaper Cometh

Chapter 1 – the Grim Reaper Cometh

x

" _Ravit!"_

Air, hotter than any fire, whooshed against his face as he fought his way further into the wreck, ignoring the sharp pain coming from his hands and shoulder as he shoved another piece of twisted metal out of the way, focused on a sole objective.

" _Ravit!"_

The word burst from his lungs, followed by a hacking cough that almost doubled him over. But he wouldn't stop. Not until he found her. From his left he could see Wolf Taylor doing the same, searching the floor of the shaking rig for his closest friend by hand, the smoke limiting visibility to feet or, at times, mere inches.

"Burk, sitrep!" The calm, authoritative voice broke through his daze, despite the ringing of his ears. Turning, Carlton could just about pick out the sight of Lieutenant Danny Green approaching.

"Gas explosion." Carlton's voice was hoarse, sounding almost unrecognizable to himself. "Lynn's dead. Wolf's on his feet - nothing seems to get that Aussie down. Ravit's missing."

"What about the Captain, Granderson, and Chung?"

"They were heading towards the landing pad," Carlton explained, not stating the obvious. If Danny was asking, the helo hadn't picked them up. They, like Ravit, were lost on the rig.

The smoke swirled and Wolf appeared at their side, one arm clutched to his side, half his face black, whether from burns or smoke Carlton couldn't tell. "I checked the back side. No sign of her."

"If you ladies are done chatting I could use some help over here," Tex Nolan called, the contractor's voice as calm as if they were sitting in the wardroom having dinner. Of course, Tex never got excited about anything other than poker. It was the only time his signature drawl disappeared, suggesting that Texas might not actually be his home state.

The three men fought their way through the wreckage to Tex, visibility improving slightly as they reached the edge of the rig and clean air from the ocean cleared the smoke, but even as his lungs gave a sigh of relief, Carlton gaped at the sight before them in horror. Ravit lay half dangling off a pylon, the only thing stopping her from a hundred foot fall to the waves below another pillar laying across her legs, her position so precarious that any shift of the groaning metal and she would be gone, lost forever in the waves below.

Ravit's eyes were shut, face charcoal-black, uniform in pieces, with large red patches of what could only be blood covering most of her lower extremities. "Is she…" his voice wavered.

Tex glanced over his shoulder before returning to his task of sliding a safety harness over her head in a manner that would have made medical personnel shudder. "Got a pulse. Figured you boys could lift the pillar enough for us to slide her out."

"Ready for the gurney?" Danny asked. Tex gestured to his side and, for the first time, Carlton noticed the white cotton stretcher, Danny already moving to line it up with Ravit's broken, still form, ready to slide her onto it as soon as her legs were freed. His feet felt like blocks of cement as he moved to the side, ready to lift the buckled piece of metal that had both crushed her body, and likely saved her from being blown clear off the structure, nothing to break her fall until she hit the water below.

"One, two, _three_!"

Carlton and Wolf lifted while Danny and Tex rolled her towards the stretcher, drawing an ear-curdling scream from Ravit, her eyes shooting open, a fist swinging towards the source of the pain – which happened to be Danny. He grunted at the force hitting his chest but didn't stop his movements until Ravit lay on her left side on the gurney, eyes sliding shut once again as she passed back into unconsciousness.

"Burk!" The sharp tone cut through his fog, and Carlton knew instantly that it wasn't the first time Danny spoke his name. "Get Ravit down to the rihb. Take Tex."

Carlton staggered forward a step. Those were _his_ people out there. _His_ team. Green might be the backup, but Carlton would be damned before he would leave his team behind. "I need to find the others."

Danny looked at Tex, who nodded slightly, unspoken communication that Carlton had no problem interpreting. They thought he was losing it. _Maybe he had_. Danny reached out, setting a hand on Carlton's shoulder, the understanding in his eyes enough to make Carlton cringe. Of everyone here, Danny was the only one who could understand _both_ compulsions riding Carlton, his need to get Ravit to safety warring with his need to find the rest of the missing team. "We only have one rhib. Not enough room with multiple stretchers. I need you to get her to the helo and free up space. Understood?"

The silence felt like a lifetime although it was only a few seconds. "Thank you."

Tex made a face as he turned to Carlton, Wolf and Danny having already disappeared into the smoke. "You okay lifting this thing?"

Looking down, Carlton suddenly realized that his hands were burned, blood oozing from the scorched flesh, the sharp edges of the metal pillar having cut into his palms without his notice. He picked up the front of the stretcher where he could watch Ravit's face, the slight rise and fall of her chest, attempt to reassure himself that if they just got her to the James everything would be okay, ignoring the excruciating pain as the cold metal of the gurney made contact with the weeping sores on his hands. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

The trip to the rhib seemed to take hours as he and Tex picked their way through the wreck of the rig which now, in addition to being nearly impassible, was leaning heavily to one side, a sign that Carlton knew without having to ask meant that it was getting ready to topple, taking anyone and everyone down with it. His body aching, hands burning, lungs on fire, only the low groans emitted from Ravit's broken body keeping Carlton moving. And then, finally, the smoke cleared just enough for him to see Miller gazing anxiously onto the rig, eyes widening as he took them – Ravit – in.

"Take my place, and haul ass to that helo," Tex called, wasting no time.

Duty winning over pain and heartbreak for the second time, Carlton interrupted. "I'll go too."

Tex snorted. "Need both of you to get the stretcher up and, in the shape you're in, you'll be less help than Admiral Halsey."

"What about the others?" Miller asked, even as he rushed to do as told.

No sooner was the pass off done than Tex was gone, scrambling back into the smoky hellhole that they had just escaped. "We'll be here when you get back so no smoke breaks, Miller!"

Maneuvering the stretcher onto the rhib, Carlton caught sight of Walker, his empty eyes staring at the pillar that had landed on his chest, crushing him, the fate Ravit had avoided by inches. Half a second after they were onboard, the rhib was moving at full speed towards the hovering helicopter, ready to transfer Ravit to the James, to Doctor Scott, to the best damn medical team that the Navy had to offer even before the pandemic killed most of them.

 _Something that would only matter if they could get her there alive._

Mere minutes later, they were landing on the James, Carlton having lost his third effort to return to the rig when the XO told him to get his sorry ass on the helo. The helicopter lifted off for a second pass at the rig but before it could even clear the deck, the sound waves of another massive explosion rocked the ship. Attention shifting from Ravit, he – along with everyone on deck – turned, staring at the massive fireball in the middle of the Gulf, knowing that anyone still on that rig was gone.

 _Captain Chandler. Green. Tex. Wolf. Miller. Alisha. Chung._

The magnitude of the potential death toll was unimaginable, yet Carlton's attention was fractured, once again drawn to Ravit as Doctors Milowsky and Scott reached the stretcher, immediately rolling Ravit to her side. Carlton felt all the air leave his lungs as he took in the jagged piece of metal buried in her back – and potentially her spine. There was no need to tell him how bad this was even before the two doctors moved several feet away, their hushed tones doing nothing to hide their concern over the situation. And suddenly Carlton realized.

 _None of it had mattered_.

The time it took to pull her from the rig, to move the stretcher to the rhib, to raise her to the helicopter – the time that might have cost the lives of every other person on his team as well as the rescue team – was all for nothing.

 _Because Ravit was going to die._

"Is everyone," Ravit stopped to cough, a gurgly sound suggesting that her lungs were filled with something other than air, "is everyone okay?"

"We're all good, baby girl," Carlton replied once he could speak past the boulder in his throat.

Ravit stared at him, her eyes unfocused. "Where's Wolf?"

"XO sent him off for a shower, the man looked like ass," Carlton replied, the lie slipping off his tongue easily.

"You're a terrible liar. That's why you suck at poker." Another cough, one that shook her entire body and brought blood to her lips.

"No, really, he was black as me, and that's saying something given that the boy is lily white," Carlton attempted to jest.

Ravit began to smile, then a spark of fear crossed her face. "Can't feel my legs."

"That's because they got them wrapped so tight. So you won't be jumping around." Carlton glanced quickly at the two medical professionals, but their entire focus was on each other. "I told you you're a mean operator for a girl."

A sputtering laugh. "I can kick your ass."

Tears pressed against the back of his eyes, Carlton fighting not to let them fall, knowing that every word might be her last. "No doubt."

"Everybody's good?" Ravit queried again, her eyes glazing over again.

In the distance Carlton heard the sound of the helicopter returning, unable to stop his attention from swaying from Ravit for just a moment, hoping and praying that there were other survivors. "Yeah. You know, just a couple of scratches."

A chocked laugh bubbled up from Ravit's throat, that horrible gurgling sound once again filling Carlton's ears. "I'm so co..cold….

Her eyes rolled back in her head, her hand going limp.

"Ravit, breathe. Ravit! _Ravit!_ "

He knew how panicked he sounded, the terror in his voice when he turned towards Doctor Scott, who was focused on the landing helicopter rather than the inside of the bay.

" _Help!"_


	2. Snap Decisions

_Chapter 2 – Snap Decisions_

 _x_

 _Fifteen minutes._

That was how long it took to stabilize Ravit, Doctor Scott actually climbing on top of Ravit's jerking body in order to force the breathing tube down her throat while Carlton just stood there. Helpless. Wondering which breath would be her last.

 _Fifteen minutes of agony worse than anything he had ever experienced before._

Carlton leaned forward, elbows digging into his knees as he smoothed his thumb across Ravit's limp palm. Not wanting to see her this way – eyes shut, face covered by wires and tubes, a large chunk of hair chopped off when it got in Doctor Scott's way – Carlton dropped his gaze to his feet.

 _Green shoelaces, really?_

He could still hear her voice as she mocked him, getting in his head, knocking him off his game, challenging him in a way that no one had before. Only days ago he had pushed her off, there in the showers, assuring her that there would be plenty of time to explore the … something … that was growing between them once they arrived in New Orleans. The amorphous, unlabeled emotion that Carlton somehow knew could be the real deal. Could be what cemented people together for ten, twenty, fifty years, never so much as glancing at another person.

Now, instead of waiting for her to grace him with a date and maybe just another kiss, instead of playing poker and waiting for the next unexpected jest, he was sitting here waiting for her to die.

Carlton glanced around the helicopter bay, still half bewildered by what had happened and half amazed that anyone at all made it off that rig. Wolf sat across from Carlton clutching Ravit's left hand, tears leaking from the corner of his eyes as he watched her still form. Danny leaned against a wall, covered in thick black soot from the burning oil, Kara using a towel to clean his face so she could bandage up a cut across his cheek, her lips pursed in a way that Carlton recognized. One that meant she was holding back tears. Tex lay on his stomach with a thick bandage across his backside. In classic Tex fashion, he'd managed to catch a bullet to his ass on the way out of New Orleans, something Ravit would have certainly lampooned him for mercilessly. Next to Tex was Alisha, her hand gripping Tex's tightly as Doc Rios stitched up the gaping wound in her leg. Miller, who seemed to be in the best shape of all of them, stood next to their _guest_ – Valkyrie, the Ramsey brothers' mouthpiece, the cause of all of this destruction and mayhem – arms crossed and jaw set.

And in the corner of the helo bay-turned-triage center, Commander Garnett leaned down to zip the bags over Chung and Lynn's faces. Walker's body, crushed as it was under the wreckage of the rig, was already at the bottom of the ocean.

 _Chung, Lynn, and Walker._

The only question left was whether anyone else would be joining them.

"She's stabilized for now but her condition is critical," Doctor Scott was explaining to Captain Chandler and Commander Slattery. The Captain staggered slightly, causing Doctor Scott to frown. "Are you _sure_ that you aren't injured, Captain?"

"I'm fine," Captain Chandler retorted without hesitation, although it was clearly a lie. His posture, the way his tired eyes kept straying to the bags sitting in the corner of the space, the streaks of blood on his uniform. After a day like today, not a single person on the Nathan James was _fine_. "Can you remove the shard?"

"Without killing her?"

"That is the general idea," Captain Chandler snapped, his tone sharp.

"Maybe." Doctor Scott paused, her arms crossing her chest. "The immediate problem is blood loss. Right now the metal is having a cauterizing effect on the wound. Once I remove it, there is no way to predict how much blood she will begin losing and whether I can staunch it in time."

"I'll donate…"

Before Captain Chandler could finish his sentence Commander Slattery interrupted, already rolling up his sleeve. "Not today, Tom. The crew needs you here, not tied up in surgery. I've got this."

"Even if I am able to successfully remove the shard, however, her injuries may be too extreme to repair," Doctor Scott continued. "Without more advanced equipment I can't tell if the metal has actually sliced into her spinal column or any essential organs. Given the position of the injury, nerve damage and some paralysis is likely, as is kidney damage, but without more testing I can't tell the extent. We have no way of treating someone with that level of medical need on this ship - especially if all kidney function is lost, which would require dialysis and ideally a transplant."

The chamber fell silent as Doctor Scott's words, and the seriousness of Ravit's condition, sunk in. Commander Slattery was the first to speak. "But you can live with one kidney, right?"

"Yes," Doctor Scott confirmed briskly. "It will be a guessing game until I am able to remove the shard and assess the damage. But even in the best of circumstances, Lieutenant Bivas will require significant care during her recovery. A recovery that will take months, not days or weeks. You need to be prepared for that."

"I'll take care of her." Carlton didn't realize that he had spoken out-loud until three sets of eyes swung towards him. "I can take care of her if, well, if she needs help getting around. My grandma was in a wheelchair and had a catheter. She lived with us when I was a kid. I can do that stuff."

 _Not that the idea wasn't horrifying._ The thought that Ravit, who was worse than Halsey when it came to sitting still, might be bound to a wheelchair for the remainder of her life was devastating. But at least she would be alive. And as long as she was alive, there was hope.

"Me too." Wolf met Carlton's eyes across Ravit's too-still body, a solemn pact. "Whatever needs to be done. I'm there."

The XO was the first to speak. "When do you want that blood, Doc?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Any word?" Kara asked as she settled next to Carlton, her hand slipping over to cover his as it gripped the arm of the chair. The door to the pathway was open and every few minutes Carlton would catch a glimpse of Wolf as he paced back and forth, Miller keeping him company.

Carlton shook his head, throat tight. "It's been four hours."

Kara tipped her head to the side, eyes skating over him from top to bottom. She stood, retrieving an emergency medical kit from the far wall. "Let me clean those hands for you."

He turned his hands over, examining the palms. He had almost forgotten about the cuts and burns, the pain having been numbed both by the events that followed, as well as the pills that Doc Rios had thrust upon him once he realized that Carlton was not going to allow the man to treat him properly.

Kara set to work cleaning out the areas where the metal sliced through his skin. "Longer isn't necessarily bad, Carlton. It means that Doctor Scott is taking her time and doing things right."

 _If only he could believe her_.

"How are repairs going?" Carlton asked, desperate for something else to focus on.

"Slowly," Kara replied without lifting her eyes. She lifted a bottle of antiseptic from the bag. "This will sting."

Carlton hissed as the bubbly brown fluid made contact with open flesh. "Shit, Foster, you trying to kill me?"

"Don't be such a baby." Kara set down the bottle before beginning to wrap up his hands. "Come find me after you take a shower so I can rewrap them. And, no, there is nothing new on the sub."

At least the burning pain was fading. "I'm surprised the Captain let you out of CIC."

"He has us on shifts, four hours on, four hours off. I'm off right now," Kara explained, stowing the supplies in the cabinet before rolling one of Doc Rios' tables across the room, pulling out a pack of cards. "It's going to be hard for you to play poker with those hands. Want to watch me play solitaire?"

Carlton snorted. "Seriously?"

Kara grinned as she shuffled the cards. "Or we could play Go Fish. You should be able to manage that, right?"

"Thank you," Carlton murmured, four games and twenty minutes later.

"For what? Do you have a seven?"

"Go fish. For keeping me company." Carlton watched as Kara picked up one card and then another, reminding Carlton of another day, another game of cards. "I didn't get it."

"Didn't get what?" Kara replied absently.

"Why you came to the crew lounge that day after Green collapsed," Carlton explained. "I thought that there might be something going on between you two up in the Arctic, but you both played it cool. Then he collapsed and you came tearing into the room. I thought you were being stupid. Taking the chance of getting sick like that."

Kara lifted an eyebrow. "Your point, Carlton?"

"I did the same thing on that rig. She was all that I could think about." He looked down at his hands. How long had he spent searching for Ravit before Danny and Tex arrived? How much did his fixation on Ravit cost the team? Lynn's life? Chung's life? "You have a king?"

"I was there when Danny gave his report. That entire section collapsed first. If you hadn't found her so quickly, she wouldn't be here," Kara replied, her voice soft, although her eyes remained on her cards as she flipped through them until she found the one she was looking for, sliding it into his bandaged hand. "And Doc Rios said Lynn was probably killed in the explosion. Apparently there was no smoke in his lungs. Nothing you could have done for him or Walker."

Whether or not Kara's second-hand report was accurate, Carlton felt some of his guilt ease. "Green's lucky to have you."

That drew a smirk. "I know. You have a nine?"

"Damn you suck at this game. Go fish."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two more hours passed before Doctor Scott finally exited the small cabin off sick bay where Ravit's marathon surgery took place, pulling off her blood-stained gloves. She narrowed her eyes at the group, which had grown to include Captain Chandler, Commander Slattery, Carlton, Wolf, Rick, and Danny (Kara having been sent off to get some sleep by a disapproving XO). "I suppose none of you have heard of patient confidentiality."

Danny snorted. "As if anything stays a secret on this ship."

Either conceding the point or simply too tired to argue, Doctor Scott didn't respond. "I was able to remove the shard but there was extensive damage to one of her kidneys and I had to remove it. That's the reason for the extra blood request and the length of the surgery."

"Lucky for her she has two," Commander Slattery piped up, obviously trying to add some levity to the conversation.

"What about her spine?" Captain Chandler asked, jumping to the issue that was on the front of everyone's mind. Carlton noticed that, if anything, the man looked even worse than he had earlier.

"Nothing was severed, thankfully, but the spine was impacted. Only time will tell how much nerve damage was done and whether the paralysis that Lieutenant Bivas was experiencing earlier is temporary or permanent." Doctor Scott gestured to Doctor Milowsky, who remained next to Ravit's make-shift hospital bed. "Dennis and I were able to repair the damage to her bowels, but she'll need to remain on a clear liquid diet until they heal sufficiently. I assume that you can alert the galley, Timothy?"

Doc Rios nodded. "Of course. I'll also make sure her IV remains running and medication is given on a regular schedule."

"I'll be here to monitor her condition," Doctor Scott began, only to be cut off.

"Actually you won't." Every eye swung to Captain Chandler, who stood with his arms crossed, the look on his face boded no argument. "You, along with President Michener, Doctor Milowky, Bertrise, the kids, and a team of guards, will be leaving the ship at dawn."

Carlton's heart began racing as Captain Chandler's words sunk in. Given their chilly welcome from the locals, sending all the civilians off the ship was a risky move, one that could mean only one thing – the James was doing something even riskier.

 _They must be going after the sub._

Doctor Scott stared at Captain Chandler, her sharp eyes taking in his pale face and the burn marks on his uniform. "I suggest that we discuss this matter in private. Perhaps while I treat the injuries you are so clearly hiding?"

"After you." Captain Chandler didn't bother arguing, probably not wanting to have the looming argument in public, simply waving Doctor Scott out of the cabin. As the door closed behind them, Carlton and Danny exchanged glances. Neither had any doubt about who would win this fight. Come hell or high water, Doctor Scott would be getting off the ship in the morning, and there was simply no way to move Ravit in her condition.

Which meant that Ravit would remain here.

 _Alone._


	3. It's Not Goodbye, Just See You Later

_Chapter 3 - It's Not Goodbye, Just See You Later_

 _x_

 _Guilt._

"Captain plans to hit the sub quickly, before they can close the net around the James," Carlton said quietly, forcing himself to speak despite the lump in his throat. "Chances are that we'll be back long before you wake up."

 _God he hated leaving her here like this._

Carlton rubbed his thumb across Ravit's palm, hoping against hope that she would suddenly open her eyes so he could explain why he was leaving. Why he had to go. How important it was to keep Doctor Scott and the cure safe. Make her understand that he wasn't abandoning her – not now, not ever.

But there was no response, the hand in his lying limp and lifeless. Carlton knew from the machines beeping rhythmically by his head that Ravit was still alive, but Doctor Scott would make no promises about when, or if, she would wake up, a fact that Carlton had not missed.

"Time to go, Burk." Wolf's Aussie burr was muted, his voice reflecting Carlton's mood.

Carlton nodded towards Ravit. "You want some time alone?"

Wolf shook his head. "I already said my goodbyes."

Those words hung between them. _His goodbyes_. As though this really could be it. Wolf turned, leaving the cabin silently. Carlton straightened, folding Ravit's small hand between both of his. "I didn't leave you on Solace, and I'm not leaving you here. So this isn't a goodbye."

"I promise that I'll be back."

x

 _Pain._

Not the unbearable pain that she recalled from the last time she opened her eyes, more of a dull ache over her entire body.

Except for her legs, which felt numb and heavy, as though something heavy was laying on top of them.

Ravit fought to open her eyes as she tried to remember what had happened, the images sliding away from her like grains of sand through her hands until one stuck.

Carlton, walking up the stairs of an oil rig in those ridiculous green shoelaces, adorably befuddled at her teasing. Ravit found it both amusing and baffling that a man so confident in his role professionally could be so completely thrown by a little harmless razzing. At first she had actually thought his truly terrible attempts at flirtation were deliberate, his idiotic form of hazing the new girl. It was Kara, with a few rather telling stories about her disastrous attempts to set Carlton up on dates, who convinced Ravit that the clueless act was not an act. Carlton Burk, lieutenant in the U.S. Navy, graduate of the Academy, thirty-two year old man, and all-around good guy, really was a sixteen-year-old when it came to talking to women.

As the image of Carlton muttering about his shoes faded, another image rose, this one filled not with amusement but with fear. Ravit remembered hearing hissing from one of the gas lines, then searching for the source of the noise in a last-ditch attempt to save the oil rig. She had turned just before the pipe exploded, seeing Carlton and Wolf only feet away, her last memory the two of them being engulfed in a blaze of fire...

x

 _Suspicion._

Carlton stared out at a landscape that now looked as hospitable as the shoreline along the Persian Gulf, seeing every movement, every shadow, as a possible threat, his mind unable to reconcile the sight of a boat flying the American flag firing on him with the country he had fought for, shed blood for, been willing to die for.

"Whew. I can almost smell the jambalaya." Teylor Cruz said, exiting the hanger where the remainder of the team was preparing their packs. "You know, I grew up just twenty miles north of here."

"I remember. You figure you're getting a homecoming dinner?" Carlton bit out, regretting the words even as he said them. He didn't begrudge Teylor the excitement the man felt at being back where he was born and raised. He certainly didn't begrudge Teylor his hope that his family might have survived. Hell, two days ago Carlton couldn't wait to get to New Orleans either. But right now everyone - even the members of Cruz's family - felt like a threat.

 _If you aren't with us, you're against us._

Teylor turned, the concern on his face grating on Carlton's nerves. "What do you mean?"

Carlton's gaze swept the shoreline once again, wondering where the next shot would come from. How could you fight an enemy when you couldn't distinguish between friend and foe? "You got eyes, don't you? Even if we beat that sub, I don't recognize this country anymore."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to work a little harder to get it back. Know what I'm saying?" Teylor responded, his hand moving to Carlton's shoulder. "Ravit will be okay, man. Doctor Scott wouldn't leave unless she was confident that Doc Rios could handle things."

Carlton grunted.

 _Maybe._

Or maybe Doctor Scott, like Carlton himself, had no choice.

x

 _Panic._

Eyes popping open, Ravit expected to be surrounded by fire, but instead found herself facing the bottom of a bunk, her mind so foggy that it took her long seconds to figure out that she must be back on the Nathan James. Trying to clear the cobwebs she turned her head, almost passing out as a wave of crushing pain rolled through her. Squeezing her eyes closed, Ravit forced herself to breathe through it, waiting until the black fog receded before she attempted to open her eyes again, focusing on what she now knew. She was alive, and she was on the James, which meant that she must have gotten off the oil rig somehow.

 _And that meant other people might have too._

Taking several more shallow breathes, Ravit pushed into her memory, searching for some memory of Carlton, of Wolf, of what had happened to them and whether they too had escaped the flames, but the only thing she could remember was Lynn being blown across the platform, his death a certainty.

Moving her head millimeter by millimeter, Ravit determined that she was in the small cabin off sick bay. From above her head she could hear the beeping of equipment and a glance down showed an IV taped to her hand. A chair sat wedged under the bunk, as though someone had recently been sitting there, causing Ravit to wonder who had been here and where they had gone. Allowing her eyes to drift shut, Ravit waited, counting to pass the time. Whoever had been here would come back.

 _And then she would get the answers to the questions tormenting her._

x

 _Anger._

"You get away from them!" The man snarled, running in front of the woman and child. Carlton took aim at the center of his chest, stopped from firing only when Doctor Scott moved, blocking his shot.

 _These people._

They were the reason that Ravit was lying in a bunk on the Nathan James barely alive, possibly dead even now. They were the reason that he was out here, protecting a scientist who cared more about her vaccine than her life, rather than holding Ravit's hand. They were the reason that the Nathan James was out there in pieces hunting a submarine rather than spreading the cure.

 _These people were the enemy._

"I can help her," Doctor Scott pleaded, her unpredictable movements making it impossible to get a clear shot, moving between him and the hostiles. "Please, let me help the girl."

"Not another step, or I'll shoot!"

The man was half crazed and Carlton tightened his finger on the trigger. Almost as though he knew what Carlton was about to do, the XO turned. "Hold your fire, Burk."

"I'm going to treat the child. If you want to stop me, you are going to have to shoot me." Doctor Scott took a step forward, and then another.

"Mase, let them help!"

Whether it was the woman's words or the tone of her voice, something got through to the man. He lowered his gun, allowing Doctor Scott to approach. Carlton watched as Doctor Scott placed her hands on the little girl, knowing that the simple motion was enough to save the child's life.

 _A miracle_.

 _A cure spread simply by breathing._

If Doctor Scott could do that, maybe she could cure paralysis too.

X

 _Clarity._

After counting to a thousand - twice - Ravit admitted that whoever had been here was not coming back. Opening her eyes again, she noticed for the first time that she was secured to the bed, something that was not standard procedure. But before she could consider all of the reasons why she might be tied down, the ship heaved, the chair next to her clattering against the bed-frame where it was anchored. As the Nathan James shuddered beneath her, Ravit knew instantly what was happening.

 _The James had just launched her torpedoes._

Another shudder, longer and more jarring, as the Nathan James took a direct hit. As the alarms began blaring, Ravit closed her eyes and began to pray.

"Sh'ma Yisra'eil Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad..."

Because if the Nathan James went down, this cabin would be her grave.

x

 _Terror._

Carlton paced back and forth across the small cabin where he, along with Wolf, Miller, Doctors Scott and Milwosky, President Michener, the kids, and the family he had seen as the enemy - only to learn that they were innocents, as much victims of the Immunes as Ravit - were hiding.

 _A ship killer._

That's what the XO called the weapon when he radioed in, telling Carlton to give them thirty minutes to disarm it and then break radio silence to warn the Nathan James – assuming she was still there to warn.

An ATACMS. Designed to be part of the missile defense system. It's purpose to take down enemy ships and weapons that reached the United States coast.

 _Now turned against one of their own ships._

If ones of those hit the James, anyone would be lucky to survive, leaving little hope for an unconcious woman strapped to a bunk.

 _If that gun hit, Ravit would be dead._

And there was nothing that Doctor Scott or Carlton or Wolf could do about it.

x

 _Relief._

Carlton stumbled into the cabin, shocked to see Ravit's eyes open.

"You're awake," he commented stupidly. Falling into the chair set by the bunk, Carlton reached for her hand. "I would have been here but the Captain ordered Doctor Scott off the ship just in case and she needed a guard. Sonar was down but Commander Garnett rigged something up and then Kara took the shot blind but the sub would have hit us again if the XO didn't take them out from the shore. It was all kind of nuts but we're back and the sub is sunk and now we're headed up the Mississippi..."

A low chuckle cut off his babbling even as Ravit's eyelids began to slide shut. "I should have known. It's like I said before. You're crazy."


	4. Hope for the Best but Prepare for the Wo

_Ch. 4 - Hope for the Best but Prepare for the Worst_

 _x_

"Sorry I can't stay but I brought you some books." Carlton sounded apologetic as he set the stack down on the side of Ravit's bunk. Not that there was much space for books. The bunks weren't all that wide to begin with, and Ravit's already contained a tray with her breakfast, two water bottles (just in case she got really thirsty), and a number of pillows strategically placed to allow her to move into a half seated position without putting too much strain on her lower back.

"Are you heading out?" Ravit asked. Over the past seven days she had been treated to a stream of visitors as the Nathan James moved slowly up the Mississippi, but today the vast majority of the crew would be heading into St. Louis to disburse the cure to the waiting crowd. Ravit leafed through the books, able to guess almost immediately where Carlton obtained most of them.

 _Wide Sargasso Sea_. The picture on the front - bold, colorful, a woman with a flower in her hair glancing over her shoulder - screamed Alisha. Suspecting a romance, Ravit dropped it to the bottom of the pile.

 _The Quiet American_. Given that Greene was a former war correspondent, that was most likely Kara's pick. Ravit hesitated but ultimately passed. She wasn't in the mood to read about any war, even one that ended fifty years ago.

Picking up the next book, she frowned. "Gone with the Wind? How many books does Granderson own?"

Carlton chuckled. "That's from Miller. He turned twenty-one down near Costa Rico and we threw him a little party. Red claims he read it and it isn't half bad."

Snorting, Alisha dropped it into the reject pile, quickly passing on a book by Hemingway that she had already read and a technical manual that Wolf no doubt added as a joke, before stopping on one by Mark Twain. She vaguely recalled reading one of his books as a kid. "Huckleberry Finn. This is supposed to be a classic, right?"

"Good pick. All about the Mississippi River." Carlton leaned over and Ravit held her breath as their eyes grew level. Then he moved on, his lips brushing her forehead before he straightened. Pushing aside her disappointment, Ravit watched him disappear out the door. She could hardly fault Carlton for not wanting to give her a proper kiss when the slightest pressure on her back or legs was enough to set off one of Rios's alarms, after all. Picking up her chosen book, Ravit flipped it open. Today was going to be a long day.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How about now?" Doctor Milowsky asked.

Ravit kept her eyes tightly closed, as instructed, willing herself to feel something - _anything_. She knew that Milowsky was touching various areas on her feet and legs, but her lower extremities remained numb, nothing except the itchy numbness that had been her constant companion since the moment she woke up after the explosion.

"No." She hated how her voice shook, not wanting him to know how badly she wanted this to work. How horrified she was by the possibility, which now seemed so much more likely than it had when she first woke, that she might never again walk, never run, never do PT with the guys.

That she might be tied to this bed forever.

"You can open your eyes now." When Ravit did, Doctor Milowsky's face swam into focus. He helped her return to a half sitting position, laying on her left side, before gathering a chair from the corner. "We'll try again in a few days, see if there's been any change."

"When will we know for sure?"

"You received a significant injury, Ravit. The type of injury that takes months, sometimes even years to heal." Although Milowsky didn't add that she was lucky to be alive, Ravit could hear it in his tone, his exasperating seeping out despite his effort to maintain a professional bedside manner. Ravit wasn't sure why she disliked the man so much. Perhaps it was simply a case of hating the messenger. Although she greatly preferred having Rios perform her daily checks. The man might be lacking in humor, but he never seemed resentful of her presence the way Milowsky did.

"When will we know, Doc?"

Milowky sighed. "Spinal injuries are difficult to predict. Two people can react in entirely different ways, and the lack of feeling could be the result of swelling..."

"But?" Ravit demanded, cutting to the chase.

"But given that it's been a week already," Milowsky paused, then sighed. "I suggest that you begin preparing yourself for the possibility that the paralysis is permanent."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Carlton rushed into the small cabin. "Sorry I didn't get back earlier. The crowd was huge! Almost double the size that Doctor Scott was expecting."

Ravit set down the book that she was attempting to read. Huckleberry Finn. An American classic about a boy sailing on the Mississippi. Despite the book's promise, so far Ravit found Huckleberry annoying and the nineteenth century language jarring. She showed him the book jacket. "I've managed to entertain myself."

"You like it?"

" _What's the use you learning to do right, when it's troublesome to do right and ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?_ " Ravit quoted. "You know that if this kid showed up on your boat you would have kicked his ass, then made him do double-PT for a month. Huck's kind of like Wright, now that I think about it. Lazy and obnoxious."

Carlton chuckled. "He grows on you. Sounds pretty cool, doesn't it? Floating down the river on a raft, watching the moon, nothing but you and the river."

"Helping a slave escape," Ravit observed dryly. "You liked this?"

Carlton chuckled, settling into the chair. "Not at first. Coach Bouchard made me read it back when I was fourteen. I told him it was insulting. Coach told me that people who don't read about the past keep making the same mistakes. Man knew what he was talking about."

A look, one that Ravit was all too familiar with, passed over Carlton's face. The one that he wore whenever he was thinking about his family, about his friends in Chicago, or his Navy buddies in Norfolk. Back when she first boarded the Nathan James, Ravit had resented the team - the entire crew really. Resented that they were safe in the Arctic while she was watching her team from Israel die, one by one. But it took only days before she realized that the sailors on the Nathan James had faced their own version of hell, emerging from EMCON only to learn that most of their families and friends were dead. When it came to this virus, nobody escaped unscathed.

"You may still find him. Your coach," she added quietly when Carlton's head shot up.

"Maybe." Carlton brightened. "Once you're back on your feet we'll head to Chicago. Better be prepared thought. Mama will stuff you so full of food that you won't be able to eat for a week."

 _Back on her feet_. Oh, the irony of hearing those words now. Was it only two weeks ago that she and Carlton were lying on the Nathan James' deck, talking about what they would do once the cure was distributed? When he had first invited her to come to Chicago, to look for his family, to eat some of his mother's strawberry-rhubarb pie? While Ravit knew, courtesy of one of the last phone calls she managed to make back to Israel, that her own family had succumbed to the virus in the early days, Carlton still had hope of finding his. And she had imagined being there when he did, seeing the smile on his face grow, watching him get the happy ending that he so deserved.

It was a dream that would never come true. Because even if the Burk family managed to survive, Ravit wasn't going to Chicago. She wasn't even going to the mess.

"There was a good size crowd today?" Ravit asked, reverting to the original topic.

"Huge! It stretched for hours, people lining up to shake hands. Doctor Scott was ecstatic. Said that the country could be cured in a week if they all spread out."

Carlton reached forward to brush a curl off of her cheek and Ravit raised an eyebrow at him. "Did Tex get the balls to introduce his daughter to Doctor Scott?"

"Yup. Although even his kid realized that she's not into him. Said, and I quote, 'Stop making googly eyes at the woman, Dad, you're just embarrassing yourself."

Ravit was amused. She had yet to meet Kat Nolan, but the girl sounded like a spitfire. "I like her already."

Carlton continued chatting, Ravit nodding along, even as his words blurred together. "And Doctor Scott had us open up the hospital."

Carlton's final words caught Ravit's attention. "What hospital?"

"Memorial. It's next to the hotel where Captain Chandler plans to establish a control post. Doctor Scott is already recruiting staff, anyone with medical training that she comes across. That's where you'll move to, until you're back on your feet."

 _That phrase again_. "Where will you be?"

"Commander Slattery is working on plans for us to move into the hotel as soon as Commander Garnett gets the power running. The sooner we get everyone off the James, the sooner the repairs can start."

Personally Ravit didn't see the point of repairing the ship. There were hundreds, possibly thousands, of abandoned naval vessels sitting in ports all over the world that they could commandeer. There was no reason to take the time to repair the Nathan James when there were so many options. But Captain Chandler, as well as the majority of the crew, seemed to find that suggestion sacrilegious. Not that it mattered to Ravit. She would be stuck in a hospital bed until...well, actually she didn't know what would come next. Would she be abandoned, forced to pay her own way now that they were in St. Louis? After all, there was little use for a sailor who couldn't leave her bunk. "My accommodations could use an upgrade. Next time get me a window."

"I'll make sure the new room has a windown," Carlton replied, taking her teasing too seriously, as he often did. "President Michener declared this the new capital. So we'll be based out of here for a while. Captain is giving the crew time off to look for their families."

Ravit looked up. "You should go. Don't stay here for me."

Carlton shrugged awkwardly. "Got some stuff to do first anyway." He brightened, pulling a slightly squashed paper bag out of his vest. "I forgot. I brought you these."

Pulling two slightly squashed looking cupcakes out of the bag, Ravit gave Carlton a puzzled look. Not that she didn't enjoy cupcakes, but Bacon had made a batch just yesterday. "Flattened pastries?"

"They're macaroons. To celebrate," Carlton explained. At her puzzled look, he elaborated. "Captain Chandler will be by to tell you officially, but earlier today President Michener issued an Executive Order making you and Wolf honorary members of the United States Navy. Means that you get the same benefits as everyone else, including free housing and food and medical treatment so long as you are in the States or connected to a Navy vessel."

Ravit stared. Even if she was able to regain motion in her legs, there was no way she would be able to pass the physical fitness tests for field work, and there weren't exactly a lot of desk jobs going around. "But I can't serve."

"The order is retroactive," Captain Chandler explained from the doorway. "During Phase Four of the virus several governments, including the United States and Israel, formed an armed coalition to stop the spread of the Red Flu. Under the agreed upon guidelines, all coalition forces were guaranteed certain rights and treatment by the other coalition members. Once you take the coalition oath, you will be considered a joint member of the United States and Israeli militaries from the day that you boarded the Nathan James and joined in our mission. It is our small way of thanking you for your exemplary service, Lieutenant Bivas."

The lump in Ravit's throat grew until she could barely swallow. She might have lost her family, her team, even her home to this virus, but the people on this ship, somehow they made it all a little less horrible to bear. "Thank you, sir. Thank you."

Master Chief Jeter smiled as he too stepped into the small space. "If you would please raise your right hand, ma'am."


	5. The course of true love never did run sm

_Ch. 05 - "The course of true love never did run smooth." A Midsummer Night's Dream – Act 1, Scene 2._

 _x_

"She didn't even seem to care that I was leaving. Just smiled and told me good luck on the mission." Carlton looked at the rather cloudy liquid that Danny set down before him. Not that he cared very much what they were drinking, just that he wanted to be drunk. Very, very drunk. Drunk enough to forget Ravit's reaction to the news that, only six days after arriving in St. Louis, he was leaving. A reaction that seemed almost ... relieved.

 _God, was this another case where a woman was trying to tell him that she wasn't interested and he just wasn't getting it?_

Before the virus hit, Kara used to tell him that he was always chasing the wrong women, going after the ones who weren't interested and ignoring the ones who were, but things with Ravit seemed different. Sure she was a bit cold when they first met, shutting down his early attempts at flirting, but Ravit was the one to kiss him. And not just the once either. Florida might be ambiguous, "an anesthetic" as Ravit put it. But what was that kiss in the bathroom about if Ravit wasn't interested?

Unless he had been demoted to the dreaded "friend" category. The one where he felt like a mutt being pet on the head as the gal told him that he was such a nice guy but there just wasn't the right chemistry. Kara could sugarcoat it all she wanted, but Carlton knew what that meant. He was boring. Too involved in his career and the military. Too set on following the rules. Not spontaneous or romantic or whatever if was that women wanted.

Maybe that's what changed with Ravit, his refusal to bend the rules. But had her offer that night in the showers even been serious? At the time he hadn't thought so. He had thought it was more of her teasing, her way of keeping him off-balance, letting him know that she was interested, should the occasion arise. Amused by his own pun, Carlton picked up the glass, watching as liquid slopped over the side, managing to get some into his mouth. "This stuff tastes like piss."

"Hey, it's alcohol," Danny replied, his voice glum. "You wanted booze and I delivered. Can't do more than that."

Carlton glared. While he knew that Green was drowning his own sorrows, leaving behind a five-month-pregnant wife for an undetermined amount of time was no cakewalk, Carlton couldn't help but resent the man a little. After all, despite breaking every rule against fraternization, getting a fellow officer pregnant, and almost sinking the ship, Danny somehow managed to come out squeaky clean, with the girl and the trust and respect of the senior officers.

"Think what you want, Burk, but you know it wasn't that easy." Danny stood abruptly.

 _Shit. Had he said all of that outloud?_ Leaning back in his chair, Carlton wondered just how drunk he was. Green was the closest thing he had to a friend right now, given Kara's preoccupation with her new job and impending last thing he needed to do was piss the guy off.

Carlton watched as Danny stomped over to the bar, presumably to pick up another round of the watered down crap that they were drinking. Almost immediately after the Nathan James' arrival in St. Louis with the cure, dozens of these small bars had opened, catering to the growing population of survivors looking to either celebrate their survival, or forget all that the virus had taken from them. The quality of the alcohol served varied, but Carlton hadn't wanted to take the chance of running into any of the enlisted men, so tonight he and Danny skipped the Nathan James' usual haunt and found their way to a more questionable establishment. Not that it was dangerous. Surprisingly, for the number of people arriving in St. Louis daily with nothing more than the clothing on their backs, crime in the city remained low.

Apparently people were still too thankful for the discovery of a cure to engage in anything more than the most basic of food theft and the occasional drunken brawl. It didn't hurt that in St. Louis, unlikely Baltimore or Norfolk, many of the safe zones held, which meant that immediately upon their arrival, Mayor Howard Oliver was able to put the surviving police force and National Guard out on the streets. Opening the banks had also been a huge factor. With Val's assistance, the newly formed federal government had managed to gain access to the banking system, allowing people to withdraw to a limited amount of cash. Although bartering was still common, most vendors were just as accepting of the familiar greenbacks once it became clear that the government would be backing the currency.

Danny set a glass of water down before Carlton, who quickly swallowed half of it, ignoring the slight taste of dirt. One thing that Commander Garnett had yet to manage was getting the water and sewer system running, leaving the city dependent on the Mississippi River as the most accessible source of H2O. Hopefully the stuff was boiled, although with the amount of alcohol in his stomach, Carlton figured that any bacteria would be instantly killed anyway.

"I got some food," Danny said as he sat back down. "Probably worse than MREs but you need something to mop up the booze before you get both of us arrested. I certainly don't want overnight watch the whole way to Chicago."

The fact that the XO had been assigned to deal with any trouble caused by the crew during their time in St. Louis was not lost on either man. Pissing off Slattery was never a good plan, since he was the one who handled the duty roster. Although with Captain Chandler now promoted to CNO, the task might soon be falling on Commander Garnett. Carlton knew that he should be thankful to Slattery for assigning him to a team heading towards his hometown, giving him an opportunity to look for his family. But the dread of leaving Ravit, spending the next few weeks or even months worrying about how she was doing, overwhelmed any gratitude that he might feel about heading towards Chicago rather than, for example, San Diego.

"Look, Green, about what I said. I'm wasted. I have no idea what I'm even saying." Carlton wondered if the words sounded as slurred to Danny as they did to him. _Probably._

"I get it. Leaving her behind blows. Especially not knowing where you stand." Danny paused, taking a sip of his own drink. "Kara and I had a rough patch, after Gitmo. I thought some distance would be good but it was the opposite. It was like knowing that I couldn't talk to her made me want to talk to her more."

It wasn't a surprise that things between Foster and Green were strained after Gitmo. Kara's mood had certainly been shit. But this was the first time that either had actually spoken about it, and Carlton was curious. "So how did you fix it?"

Danny shrugged. "Captain found out what was going on and Kara got pregnant. Things kind of just fell into place after that. Granderson would say that it was fate or karma or something like that. I say lucky accident. No chance that Bivas is pregnant, right? Cause that makes dumping your ass way harder."

"Seriously?" Carlton stared at Danny incredulously. "You suck at this pep-talk business."

Danny shrugged, taking another swing of his beer. "Want me to get Kara?"

"God no," Carlton groaned. "She'll tell me that I'm an idiot. Somehow it's always my fault when things go to hell. What is it with women sticking together like that?"

Danny chuckled. "No idea, but might as well just accept that whatever you say, Kara's going to take Ravit's side."

Before Carlton could answer, a rather young woman - Carlton pegged her at nineteen - arrived at their table to deliver what looked like french fries. This place must have a connection to a farm, the only way to get something like potatoes these days. She ran her eyes over both men as she set the plate down, her skirt riding impossibly high on her thighs. "Heard a rumor that you boys came off the Nathan James. Is that true?"

"Yes, ma'am," Carlton responded, despite the dirty look that Danny was shooting him. They were supposed to be keeping a low profile, after all.

Eyes widening in a manner that was anything but innocent, the girl smiled at Carlton."I've never met a real hero before."

"Not heroes," Carlton shook his head, wishing it didn't hurt so much to do so. "Just regular guys."

"I'd love to hear all about it," the girl continued, sliding into the seat next to Carlton, her hand slipping onto his thigh.

"He's taken." Danny's voice booked no argument. With a pout, the girl swung her eyes towards the blond. Without missing a beat, Danny added, "I'm taken too."

"Well, if you boys change your minds, you know where to find me." Rising, the girl managed to give Carlton a rather extended view of her cleavage, before turning and heading back towards the bar, hips swinging.

Danny shoved the basket of food towards Carlton. "Eat. Before you do something that you'll really regret in the morning. And then figure out a way to make things right with Bivas. Because I'm not listening to you whine all the way to Chicago."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Carlton managed not to stumble as he walked through the hospital corridor, thankful that the lack of overnight staff meant he could avoid talking to anyone. A nurse or orderly - he didn't really know the difference - nodded as Carlton headed down the hall towards Ravit's room. He had been here enough the past week that most of them recognized him. Two hours had passed since Danny dropped Carlton off in his room at the hotel, but Carlton couldn't sleep, his mind whirling as he tried to figure out where he stood with Ravit. The decision to visit her was spontaneous - and likely stupid - but once it occurred to him, he couldn't stay away.

Reaching her door, Carlton knocked softly. There was no answer, not surprising given the hour, and when he tried the doorknob it was locked. Carlton chukled. Trust Ravit to remember the little details. Never turn your back on a threat. Never let your guard down. And never, ever leave your door unlocked.

Feeling another wave of dizziness, Carlton slipped to the floor until he was sitting, the side of his head leaning against the door, hand sliding under the door as though he could reach out to hold her hand. "I'll do anything, baby girl. Anything. Just tell me what you want."

Carlton wasn't sure how long he sat there, eyes closed, barely awake, when he could have sworn that he felt Ravit's fingers brush against his, as though she were sitting on the other side of the door, leaning against it just like him. Even knowing that was ridiculous - Ravit could barely get from her bed to the wheelchair, let alone across the room - Carlton found himself smiling.

"Love you, my jumping bean."

And he could have sworn that he heard her voice just before he fell asleep. "Love you too. Even if you are a knucklehead."


	6. A lie that is half-truth is the darkest

_Chapter 6 - "A lie that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies." ― Alfred Tennyson_

 _x_

"What do you want me to do with him?" Wolf asked Ravit, nudging at Carlton with his foot.

Her eyes flickered to Carlton, who was lying on the floor near the door snoring. She had convinced the night nurse to overlook him, but there was no way that was going to fly now that people were arriving for day shift. An officer from the Nathan James passed out on the floor of a hospital was just too juicy to keep a secret and, once rumors started spreading, it wouldn't take long for Chandler or Slattery to hear them. Which is the reason that Ravit had the nurse get some ensign suck on overnight watch at the hotel to wake up Wolf at 0500 with a message that there was an emergency at the hospital and to get his butt over here immediately. Wolf nudged Carlton again and, in response, the obviously still-not-sober man rolled to his side and murmured something about five more minutes. It suddenly struck Ravit that this was the first time she had seen him asleep. Well, passed out drunk might be more accurate but still, without the stern look that Carlton typically wore while on duty, he looked younger, more peaceful.

 _Too young to be burdened with the care of a woman who would most likely never walk again._

A familiar bitter taste filled Ravit's mouth. Was it only two months ago that she joined the Nathan James, so full of optimism? Believing that the discovery of the cure meant that everything would somehow turn around? That the mission she was joining was one of peace and hope, rather than simply an excuse for more fighting?

"If you can get Burk into the spare bed, I'll tell Rios that he was here visiting late and fell asleep. It's technically against the rules since I'm now US Navy but Rios won't report him. We just need him out of the hallway before anyone shows up for rounds."

Nodding, Wolf bent to lift Carlton, dropping him back with a huff. "Damn, I'm surprised they managed to get him this far. The man is heavier than a bag of rocks."

Ravit didn't comment as Wolf shifted Carlton into a firefighter hold. Getting Carlton inside the door was no small feat. The first part was easy, she simply opened the door, allowing Carlton to collapse onto the floor inside. She had been slightly concerned about the thud when his head hit the ground, but given that the snoring continued uninterrupted, she decided that he was fine. Getting his legs inside had been tougher, requiring some creativity on Ravit's part. Finally she hit on the idea of looping his belt around the footrests on her wheelchair, which allowed her to draw him in just enough to get the door closed. A temporary solution, but one that bought her some time.

Time that she needed to process Carlton's words.

 _I love you, my jumping bean._

How could he love her? They barely knew each other, spending more time together here at this hospital than they ever had on the Nathan James. And her response, spoken without thought.

 _Love you too. Even if you are a knucklehead._

Her first instinct was to retract the words, to insist that it was circumstances, that they weren't true. After all, how could she have let that happen? She had spent the last few weeks since her injury building a wall between them, creating space, moving Carlton firmly into the friendship zone. Yet somehow he had wormed his way into her heart with his terrible jokes and his lame gifts. A tiny yellow teddy bear. Three slightly trampled roses. A container of smuggled booze that interacted terribly with her pain medication. More books than she could read in a lifetime. A framed picture of the team, one that now sat on her nightstand. But no matter how much she wanted to deny the words, Ravit knew that, whether or not it made any sense, they were true. She loved him.

Except that she couldn't. Not when she was here, like this, only half a woman...

Brushing her tangled thoughts aside, Ravit turned her attention to Wolf. "You leaving too?" Ravit asked, voice steady. She knew the answer, really. Like her, Wolf had made a decision to join the Nathan James to help spread the cure. And like her, he wouldn't leave the job half finished.

"Yup. CNO's staying here in St. Louis, along with Garnett, Foster and a handful of the engineers. Guess Foster's going to move to Michener's staff, while Garnett and her team focus on local infrastructure and repairing the James. I'm assigned to team headed to San Diego. There's a rumor that some of the bases might still be somewhat operational."

"And you're hoping that they might have a way to contact Australia."

It was a statement, rather than a question, but Wolf answered anyway. "CNO said that if enough personnel survived, he might launch some ships from San Diego to spread the cure to Asia. It would be faster than waiting for the James to make it around Cape Horn."

"So the Panama Canal is out of service?"

"Yup, at least in the short term. Satellite images show ships sitting in the middle. Commander Garnett said it would take her and a team weeks to clear it, and there's no way to know if there is other damage than will need to be dealt with."

Without the canal, it would take the Nathan James an extra month to reach the Pacific Ocean - and that was only if they didn't make any humanitarian stops. Despite his attachment to his ship, the CNO was a smart man. He knew that the better, and faster, option would be to send the Nathan James south to spread the cure to South America, while launching a ship out of San Diego directly to Asia. Of course, that assumed there was enough personnel still alive to do both. "Are many military survivors appearing?"

"We've had some guys trickle in, a few with a navy background. Green's putting them through the paces. If any of them check out, we'll split them up and add them to the teams. St. Louis is pretty landlocked, though, so we might run into more as we get closer to the coast."

"If Chandler launches a ship from California, will you be on it?"

The question itself was straightforward, but Wolf wasn't stupid. He knew what she was asking. _Would he be coming back?_

Wolf leaned forward, his face suddenly serious, waiting for Ravit to meet his eyes. "You're family now, Ren." Ravit made a face at the despised nickname. Or at least, one that she had despised when her brothers used it, back when they were still alive, teasing their little sister unmercifully. Now it felt almost ... comforting. "You and Miller and Burk and Green. Hell, the whole crew. Yeah, I'll catch the first ship heading to Australia. But I'll be back. I'm not leaving you behind."

"Good morning..." Doc Rios trailed off as his eyes took in the sight of Carlton snoring on the cot next to Ravit, while Wolf leaned over the bed. However, rather than question what was happening, he simply moved to Ravit's side. "I see you have company, Lieutenant Bivas. Let me check your vitals and I'll be on my way. How are you feeling?"

"Good," Ravit replied dutifully, just as she did every morning despite the fact that her legs felt like they were still stuck under that pillar on the oil rig, the frustration at not being able to move the dead stumps driving her to distraction. Although at least the dead feeling was better than the burning that she sometimes felt late at night, the pain that Milowsky blew off as phantom but that Doctor Scott thought might be a sign of nerve regeneration. Ravit had stopped mentioning the pain altogether, knowing that Rios would want her to start taking the medication again if she did, and the last thing she needed was to feel that loopy.

"The therapist is incredibly impressed with your progress," Rios continued, and Ravit wondered whether he had ever heard of the term patient-doctor confidentiality. Not that it mattered much. Nothing stayed a secret among the Nathan James crew for long. Which is how Ravit knew that Green was proposing before he popped the question and how she learned that Tex was caught sneaking out of Garnett's hotel room late one night. The later had raised a few eyebrows given Tex's stated interest in Doctor Scott but, as Carlton pointed out in a rare moment of intelligence, even Tex wasn't stupid enough to think that he stood a chance with the good doctor. "But your blood pressure is a little elevate today so you might want to back off a little."

"What type of therapy?" Wolf asked, interest clearly piqued.

"The hellish kind," Ravit muttered. Not that she didn't appreciate the fact that Rios had somehow dug up a physical therapist to work with her, but the woman was a slave driver. She insisted that the longer Ravit stayed in bed the harder it would be to get out of it, and while she was undoubtedly correct, it didn't change the fact that she was basically a drill instructor with a sadistic streak.

One who Ravit couldn't punch in the face.

"Physical therapy. Lieutenant Bivas here is now managing to move from the bed to her wheelchair on her own," Doc Rios said proudly, inadvertently spilling news that Ravit didn't plan on sharing. Not until she knew whether pissing without assistance was the beginning, or the end, of her progress. "Her upper body strength is impressive."

Wolf being Wolf, immediately picked up on Ravit's mood. "I guess you owe me. After all, I was the one that insisted on the boxing. Put you in maximum physical condition."

Ravit rolled her eyes. "Don't think too poorly of yourself now."

Doc Rios chuckled, then his usual serious mien returned. "I assume that Lieutenant Burk informed you that he will be leaving for Chicago, while Chief Taylor heads towards San Diego. I've been assigned to the team going into New England, but before I leave I will turn over all of my notes and paperwork to Doctor Stone."

"No Doctor Milowsky?" Ravit asked, perking up at the first positive news she had gotten all day.

"He's been assigned to the same team as Chief Taylor," Rios explained. "However, Ms. Wilson will be remaining behind and has requested that she continue to have her shift here on your wing."

"Betrise isn't going?" Ravit asked, surprised. If there was one thing that the shy teenager was passionate about, it was spreading the cure, not wanting anyone else to experience the pain that she had gone through, watching her family die.

"No, she can't volunteer to join until she's eighteen."

"Well, and Mason is on the team assigned to St. Louis," Wolf added, drawing a slight smile from Rios. Although the two had never confirmed a relationship, and most likely wouldn't until Bertrise was legally adult, it was a well-know secret among the crew that the two had a thing for the other.

Wolf waited until the door was closed to ask Ravit the obvious question. "You don't want him to know, do you? That they're focusing on you learning to use the wheelchair rather than trying to help you walk."

Ravit glanced at Carlton's snoring form again. The shapely arms. The muscular legs. The features that could have come right out of one of those silly women's magazines. _The body that still worked perfectly._ "He's so sure that this is temporary, that I'll get better and we'll live this perfect life together. Better that he leaves. Finds someone else. He'll forget me soon enough."

"I don't think you're giving man enough credit," Wolf replied hesitantly, almost as though he expected to be hit. Which he would have been, had he been within Ravit's now limited reach. "Talk to him. Tell him the truth. Let him decide if he can handle it."

"I'll think about it." Biting her lip, Ravit blinked away the tears that were now threatened to overflow. She rolled to her side, away from Wolf and Carlton. "Now I'm tired. Go get some sleep, pretty boy."

"Pretty boy? I hate Tex sometime," Wolf muttered. A few moments of silence followed. "I'll be back later."

Ravit waited until he was gone before she rolled back to face Carlton. "This is the best way. You'll see."


End file.
